The other day I was talking with my therapist about days where I feel confident, where my insecurities don't matter to me. He gave me one piece of advice, he said "bask in it, when those days come just bask in it" I liked that. We have up days and down days, it's so good to bask in the good days!
Today and last night are one of those moments where I can bask in it! Yesterday was incredible. I went on that date I was talking about last night. Turned out to be a date, not just a sort of date, and it went very well. He is one of those rare people that I feel completely at ease around, for some reason I don't feel the need to have mental defenses or prove myself to him, I can just be myself. I felt I was able to really enjoy the evening because of that. It was great to get to know him more. We played pool and it was so fun to just joke about the game and our "skills" (or lack of them, haha). We talked about everything, from music to our families to what its like being a part of the church and being gay. I felt like there was so much substance to our conversations.
I could also feel myself begining to fall for him more. And he seems interested too. He felt comfortable calling it a date, and was excited to do this again, hopefully soon. His schedule is pretty busy this next week with ballroom competitions, but I am excited about where this may go. I am so excited. That's why I say I am basking in the moment. This is one of those moments where I actually feel at peace, and I feel happy again, I feel that God is pleased with me and my choices. At least for now I don't have to run the mental gymnastics that I have been. For now I can enjoy having gone on a date with a guy I really liked and enjoyed it! Times like this tend to reinforce my personal belief that God really is Ok with this and happy for me. I also just want to say that I am grateful for the people in my life who can see that this is helping me be happy, that this isn't something innately "evil" but something good, for some that has required a change, and even if they don't agree with it they are happy for me and support me in my choices. It is a wonderful thing to be able to talk to people I trust about this exciting part of my life. Some people just don't have that, and that can be very hard.
Bask in the good moments and be happy for those who are basking in their own moments of fulfillment!