Growth of the human mind, soul, and spirit is an incredible thing. It can grow so much in a very short amount of time, or grow very slowly over a long period of time. For most of us we experience both of these types and everything in-between throughout our whole lives. It seems to me that when it does happen it happens it God's time.
There are times where I have felt like the growth I have made in the last eight months since I've started coming out until now has been so slow. And there are times where I look back and I'm amazed at the growth that I've made. These last two weeks have been a lot like that for me.
About two weeks ago me and my boyfriend broke up. It was complicated and sad for both of us. I was also in a hard spot spiritually. I wasn't sure where my future was with the church, with my family, with God. My mind ran in circles all the time. It put a strain on our relationship, and I felt bad about that. I felt bad about my uncertainty.
It wasn't too long after we broke up that I had a really good conversation with a close and trusted friend about this and I realized there will always be uncertainty. Its all a leap of faith. I also realized I've been scared to let God more into my life. Breaking up with my boyfriend was a big step for me and for him that helped us both realize some important things. Something about the breakup triggered my desire to come close to God. I've picked up my scriptures more, I've dug into my beliefs, I've prayed more sincerely and miracles have happened.
This being said my journey is different than many other peoples journey. My beliefs are different. God has helped me to really accept who I am and to begin to realize what blessings come from growing up mormon and gay. I have a unique perspective I can bring to both communities. First and foremost though I can do the most good when I am living authentically. For me right now I've realized that that means dating guys.
I missed my boyfriend a lot and we continued to talk and share our feelings and we have both realized that our relationship was something special something that was begining to go deeper than just attraction and how much we liked each other. We have gone on a few dates since then and have talked a lot about getting back together. And I have been so happy. More happy than I can really describe.
A few days ago this amazing boy took my on a date and dropped me off at my house afterwards. He came in and met my parents for the first time. And let me tell you my parents are amazing, they have also grown so much to the point where they are very kind and accepting. So many of my worries and fears dissolved that night as all of us talked together and I realized my family could accept a boyfriend and perhaps a future husband.
I have realized that I need God in my life. I've also realized that being Gay and Christian can go together hand in hand. God loves me, he loves this wonderful guy I'm dating. I've been so, so happy these last few days as me and this guy have spent time together again. He is incredible. He is so spiritual and loving, kind and generous, cute and romantic, handsome and charming. I'll stop before anyone gags, but I'm happy, and I want people to know it does get better and you can be happy in this life, God wants that for us so much! As I've prayed and pursued this relationship I have felt what the scriptures describe as "love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance" Galatians 5:22-23 God loves all his children regardless of sexual orientation, gender, marriage orientation, he loves us, and we need to love ourselves, and love each other.